Hey Damian.
... I don't even know where to begin, really. I suppose I should start at the beginning; I remember the first moment I met you. Summer time. marching band, concrete so hot it could fry human flesh, and you came and stood next to me. You, a senior with your dark good looks and me, a lowly freshman and the only girl in the whole low brass section. I was quiet, just silently observing guys around me making asses of themselves, and you walked up next to me. "I'm Damian," you said, flashing that smile. My lips had quirked up into a small smile. "I'm Fei." You had looked me up and down in a sort of clinical way; interested, but nothing lustful. I know I wasn't much to look at, me being barely five feet and in work-out clothes at that time. You asked me "Are you tough?" I remember smiling and saying "Hell yes." You grinned back, and that's when it started. You had a chance to be Gunner's "big brother". In fact, you were supposed too. But you said no, and wanted to be mine instead, even though I already had one (miserable excuse of a big brother he was). It was a surprise, really. I opened my eyes and Esen was standing there, with you right next to him. 'I'm not supposed to here," you had whispered with a twinkle in your eyes. "But I like you."
What a fool I was, huh? You have to admit that. I knew fully well that you were going to college, which you were looking forward to a life outside of high school, and I went ahead and became enamored of you anyways. Pretty stupid, yes?
But all that aside, what I really want to say, is thank you. All these things in the set are true; you did use to talk to me like I was the only one around. Sometimes, before I go to sleep, I imagine you're by my side with arms wrapped around me, coaxing me to tuck my head against your chest and just relax. I miss you; I miss your eyes, especially when you looked at me "like that." Your lips, when they formed my name, when you defended me against the gross advancements of some undesirable people. I miss the whisper of your breath against my cheek-- you were the first guy to ever call me beautiful. I realize now that it would’ve never worked anyways. I’m sort of grateful for it, really. Though at times I wonder what it’d be like if we’d never met, I know that my heart is a little tougher after you leaving. As harsh as it sounds, I know now that the only lessons that I can take away from these sorts of entanglements is that everyone leaves in the end. God is the only one who ever really sticks around. Eventually, everyone you love and care for leaves, so it’s best to accept that now rather than later.
So thank you for teaching me this lesson. I hope you’re happy with your life, and maybe someday, we’ll see each other again.
